Building Relationships God’s Way

Lasting relationships don’t hold together on their own, they’re formed and strengthened when God becomes the essential third strand.

In an age of fractured connections and digital isolation, we hunger for relationships that truly satisfy. We long for friendships that endure, marriages that flourish, and families bound together by more than obligation. Yet the secret to all meaningful human connection lies not in better communication techniques, relationship seminars, or therapy sessions. It begins with understanding and cultivating the most important relationship of all: our relationship with God. But exactly why and how does this relationship underpin all others?

The Scriptures present a beautiful and consistent pattern of why it is so: every thriving human relationship finds its source and model in the divine. When Solomon wrote, “A threefold cord is not quickly broken,” (Ecclesiastes 4:12)¹ he captured a vital truth that extends far beyond practical wisdom about partnerships. Solomon presents God Himself as the essential third strand in every relationship that endures—the binding that holds when storms of life rage. God is the essential third strand in every relationship that endures.

The Wonder of the Threefold Cord

Solomon’s wisdom about the threefold cord isn’t merely poetic; it reflects a remarkable physical reality that ancient ropemakers discovered through centuries of experience. When natural fibers are twisted together into rope, something extraordinary happens. Rather than simply adding up, the strength multiplies in ways that illuminate why God’s presence transforms our relationships.

Consider this: when you twist two strands of rope together, the result is stronger than either strand alone—but not twice as strong, because the twisting costs a little efficiency. You might expect that adding a third strand would offer only modest further improvement. But here’s where it gets fascinating: ancient ropemakers discovered that three strands are the “magic number.” A three-strand rope is roughly two and a half times stronger than a single strand, and far more resistant to unraveling than a two-strand rope could ever be. The third strand doesn’t merely add strength, it transforms the rope’s structure entirely.

Yet the most remarkable benefit of the third strand isn’t just its raw strength. A two-strand rope has a fundamental weakness: under tension, the strands tend to rotate around each other, creating a “corkscrew” effect that causes them to unravel and separate. If one strand breaks, the other immediately loses all frictional support and the rope fails catastrophically. However, a third strand transforms everything! Three strands form a stable triangular shape where each strand is locked between the other two. Under tension, the strands compress inward, binding tighter in a self-strengthening system. Even if one strand breaks, the remaining two strands stay interlocked, reducing the risk of total failure. The third strand transforms a fragile pair into a self-reinforcing, nearly unbreakable bond!

This transformation is why the three-strand rope became the universal standard in ancient maritime cultures. Egyptian tomb paintings from around 2500 BC depict this construction, and it remained largely unchanged through the Age of Sail. Sailors never used two-strand rope for critical applications—they clearly understood intuitively what physics confirms: the third strand doesn’t just add strength; it fundamentally transforms the nature of the bond.

Do you see the spiritual parallel? A relationship between two people, whether marriage, friendship, or ecclesial fellowship, has the same structural vulnerability as a two-strand rope. Without God as the third strand, the relationship tends to “unravel” under stress. Each person rotates around their own axis of self-interest. When crisis strikes, there’s nothing to hold them together.

But when God enters the equation, everything changes. His presence creates the triangular stability that keeps both parties bound together even under trying circumstances. His authority provides the compression that strengthens the bond when tension increases. Even when one party fails or falters, the relationship doesn’t immediately collapse, because the divine strand holds.

So practically, how do we develop this wonderful threefold relationship with God? He provides a beautiful pattern that resonates throughout His Word.

The Divine Pattern: Mental, Moral, Physical

Throughout Scripture, we find a consistent pattern in how God develops relationships—both with humanity and within the human sphere. This pattern moves progressively through three stages: the mental (understanding), the moral (conviction and commitment), and the physical (action and expression). This is the divine order that produces lasting fruit.

Far from being arbitrary, this progression mirrors how God Himself works. Consider James’s reflection, which traces sin’s development: “Each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death.” (James 1:14-15). The pattern moves from mental (temptation in the mind), to moral (the conception of intent), to physical (the act itself), to fruit (the consequence of death). When the same progression is applied constructively to righteousness, it produces life.

Consider Paul’s appeal in Romans, which presents the positive application:

I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. (Romans 12:1-2).

Notice the order. Transformation begins mentally with renewed thinking, proceeds morally through discernment of God’s will, and manifests physically in consecrated action—the living sacrifice.

Mental → Moral → Physical → Fruit

This progression is God’s pattern for lasting transformation. We also know this was how God established His relationship with Israel. He first revealed Himself through His Word, establishing mental comprehension of who He is and what He requires. Then came the call to moral commitment—the covenant at Sinai—where Israel pledged, “All that the LORD has spoken we will do.” (Exodus 19:8). Only then came the physical expressions: the tabernacle, the sacrifices, and the dwelling of God among His people. The fruit was to be a nation set apart, bearing witness to the world.

This same pattern governs our own journey to God. We first encounter Him through His Word, developing a mental (“academic”) understanding of the Gospel. But to progress, this understanding must then deepen into moral conviction: a transformed heart that yields to His will. Finally comes the physical response of baptism, symbolizing the lifelong commitment to the process of change. As Jesus told Nicodemus, “Unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God.” (John 3:5). This requires understanding with compliant change and committed conviction. And what is the fruit? It is a new creation, walking in newness of life, bearing the fruit of the spirit (Galatians 5:22-23).

How, then, does this relationship with God intertwine with our relationships with others?

Walking Together: The Basis of True Unity

The prophet Amos poses a penetrating question: “Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?” (Amos 3:3). This simple inquiry contains the DNA of every successful relationship. Agreement is not merely the absence of conflict—it is the presence of shared vision, common purpose, and mutual submission to a higher authority.

Human relationships inevitably encounter disagreement. Our backgrounds differ, our perspectives vary, and our natural inclinations may clash. What then enables unity? The answer lies in recognizing an authority higher than our personal preferences: the living God whose word provides the standard by which all disputes may be resolved.

When both parties in any relationship submit to God’s authority, they find a meeting point beyond themselves. The husband and wife who both bow before Scripture discover common ground even when their personalities diverge. Brothers and sisters in the ecclesia who share the same doctrinal foundation can navigate differences in judgment because they agree on first principles. This submission is the blessing of the threefold cord; God’s presence transforms a fragile partnership into an unbreakable bond.

Attributes of Our Relationship with God

What characterizes a thriving relationship with the Almighty? The Scriptures reveal several essential qualities that mirror the attributes of all healthy human connections:

1. Founded on Knowledge and Unity of Mind

Our relationship with God begins with knowing Him—not merely knowing about Him, but the intimate knowledge that comes through sustained engagement with Him and with His Word. “And this is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent.” (John 17:3). This is the mental foundation, knowledge that produces unity of mind and purpose, aligning our will with His.

2. Built on Respect, Love, and Trust

The fear of the LORD, that earnest reverence and respect, is “the beginning of wisdom.” (Proverbs 9:10). Yet this reverence blossoms into love as we experience His faithfulness. “We love Him because He first loved us.” (1 John 4:19). Trust grows as we observe His promises fulfilled and His character proven true across the testimony of Scripture and our own experience. This constitutes the moral dimension: the conviction that commits.

3. Expressed Through Service and Self-Sacrifice

A genuine relationship with God cannot remain passive. It compels action, service born of gratitude, sacrifice inspired by love. Paul appeals: “I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service.” (Romans 12:1). The life poured out for God reflects the life He poured out for us in Christ. This action is the physical expression—faith made visible.

4. Productive of Spiritual Fruit

Every healthy relationship produces fruit. Our relationship with God yields “the fruit of the Spirit—love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.” (Galatians 5:22-23). This fruit becomes the evidence of a genuine connection, validating the reality of our fellowship with the divine.

The Supreme Example: Christ and the Father

No relationship in Scripture illustrates these principles more perfectly than that between Jesus Christ and his Father. Here we witness the divine pattern in its fullest expression, a relationship so complete that Jesus could declare, “I and My Father are one.” (John 10:30).

Consider the unity of mind and purpose: “The Son can do nothing of Himself, but what He sees the Father do; for whatever He does, the Son also does in like manner.” (John 5:19). Observe the love and trust: “Therefore My Father loves Me, because I lay down My life that I may take it again.” (John 10:17). Mark also the self-sacrifice: “Nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will.” (Matthew 26:39). And note the intimate communion: Jesus rising early to pray, spending nights in fellowship with his Father.

This relationship between Father and Son becomes the template for all our relationships—both with God and with one another. As Jesus prayed, “That they all may be one, as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You; that they also may be one in Us.” (John 17:21). The unity we seek in human relationships flows from and reflects the divine unity.

Building upon this divine template of unity and intimacy exemplified in Christ, Scripture reveals how ordinary believers can be invited into a deep friendship with God Himself.

Becoming Friends of God

Scripture records a remarkable title given to certain individuals: “friend of God.” Abraham received this honor because “he believed God, and it was accounted to him for righteousness. And he was called the friend of God.” (James 2:23). David was described as “a man after [God’s] own heart.” (Acts 13:22).

What elevated these men to such intimacy? It was not perfection—both stumbled grievously. Rather, it was the quality of their response to God: faith that acted, genuine repentance, and hearts that remained oriented toward the divine despite their failures. Abraham demonstrated faith through obedience, even to the point of offering Isaac. David, when confronted with sin, responded with broken-hearted confession: “Against You, You only, have I sinned.” (Psalm 51:4).

Jesus extended this same possibility to his disciples—and to us:

You are My friends if you do whatever I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you. (John 15:14-15).

Friendship with God is not reserved for spiritual giants; it is offered to all who hear and obey.

Cultivating the Divine Relationship

How do we nurture this great foundational relationship with God? The principles follow the same mental-moral-physical progression:

Daily engagement with Scripture (Mental). The Word of God is His primary means of communication with us. Regular, thoughtful reading transforms our minds and draws us closer to His heart. “Your word I have hidden in my heart, that I might not sin against You.” (Psalm 119:11).

Consistent prayer (Moral). Prayer is much more than petition. It is conversation, confession, thanksgiving, and worship. It is the discipline by which we maintain constant awareness of God’s presence and submit our wills to His. Prayer deepens conviction and commitment and should be our response to His Word speaking to our hearts.

Fellowship with believers (Physical). God has placed us in a community of faith. Our relationship with Him grows through our connection with His people. “Let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together.” (Hebrews 10:24-25).

Obedience in daily life (Fruit). Love for God is demonstrated through action. “If you love Me, keep My commandments.” (John 14:15). Every choice to obey strengthens our bond with Him; every act of faith deepens our trust. The fruit of obedience becomes the seed for deeper understanding, and the cycle continues.

The Foundation for All That Follows

The divine relationship isn’t merely one among many—it is the source from which all others flow. When we are rightly connected to God, we discover the capacity for richer human connections. His love teaches us how to love others. His forgiveness enables us to forgive. His patience with our failings cultivates patience with those around us.

In the following months, we will explore, God willing, how these divine principles apply to our ecclesial relationships, our marriages and courtships, and our family connections. In each sphere, we will find the same pattern: God at the center as the essential third strand, the progression from mental to moral to physical, and the fruit that follows faithful adherence to His design.

But it all begins here, with the fundamental relationship between Creator and creature, Father and child, Lord and servant—and, wonder of wonders, between God and those whom He calls His friends. “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.” (James 4:8). This is both invitation and promise—the starting point for every relationship that truly satisfies!

You will show me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore. (Psalm 16:11).

David Fraser,
Pinetown Ecclesia, South Africa