Family Matters

Honest conversations about family struggles help us realise we are not alone.

We took two family photos when our children were younger; both showed different images from what was actually going on. Behind the picture frame, the smiles and the happy-looking family were quite different stories.

The first photo was when we acquired vouchers for a professional photo shoot at a shop in the local mall. It was very exciting. Our children were young, and one of them, in particular, was at the age where “when you need to go, you really need to go.” We asked to use the bathrooms, but the store wouldn’t allow the public to use them, and by then it was too late. They cleaned up the puddle while we bought a dry set of clothes. Looking at the photo, you would never have known.

The second photo was taken by a friend after the meeting, on a day when most of our children were teenagers. One of them didn’t want their photo taken. They refused to cooperate. There were angry words and hurt feelings, but eventually we all stood together, grimaced, and had our photos taken. If you looked at the photo, you would think we were one big happy family.

It is the framed photo we would like other people to see when they look at us, but underneath, we all struggle with the not-so-perfect. We may even feel completely broken, angry, depressed, or tired. We are all the same. No doubt some of your family portraits have similar stories.

Paul said,

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.
(1 Corinthians 10:13 ESV).

In other words, we all have the same problems, temptations and trials in life. The reason we think we are alone facing our trials is that we don’t talk about them, and we don’t want people to see our ugliness.

In April 2020, New Zealand entered its first lockdown in response to the COVID-19 pandemic. We had to isolate and couldn’t meet with each other anymore. Our meeting halls were closed, and any fellowship we had was online using GoToMeeting. Some innovative brothers and sisters from our ecclesia began working on ideas to keep faith and fellowship alive during lockdown. That’s when Sharon and I received a phone call asking if we could do an online program with a family focus. It sounded daunting, but in the end, we said yes, we would do it. We called it Family Matters.

Our aims for Family Matters were to encourage God centered marriages and families, and to help relationships grow and thrive by

• Providing practical encouragement and help
• Giving support through teaching and experience.

In our picture-perfect lives, we have a habit of not talking about life’s trials. One reason we began producing the Family Matters videos was to initiate discussions about some of the issues that trouble us, but are rarely discussed. We asked the hard questions—the ones we all want to know answers to, but are too afraid to ask. We aimed to be practical so people watching would have real-life solutions to real-life problems. We tried to be Scriptural to keep us centered on the way of life God wants us to have.

The best way we found to fulfil our aims was to talk to people who had been through, or were going through, trials in their lives. These were real people with real problems. They had real experiences and real insights. We talked with them about their lives. We asked how they connected to God. We wondered how they managed to keep their relationships together when life threw them lemons. We explored their trials and their triumphs.

As we began to receive feedback from the Family Matters sessions, the overwhelming comment was that people were connecting. People were relating to it. People were struggling with the same issues we were discussing, and it came as such a relief to know they were not alone.

We recorded most of the sessions with a live audience. We would all chat before we began recording, then at start time, cameras and microphones would turn off to allow Sharon and me to talk with our session’s guests. We tried to keep the sessions 30-40 minutes each, but many of the interviews were so engaging that we often continued. At the end of each interview, we stopped recording, and our audience joined in the discussion. Often, the questions, insights and comments from the people watching were even better than the Family Matters program itself. You had to be there! There were tears, laughter, healing, and prayers, all resulting from open and honest discussions about life.

Our first session was one on Finances, a safe topic that everyone was struggling with in some way during the COVID-19 crisis. After Finances, we tackled Aggression in Children, a popular topic that provided us with practical pointers to help our children feel loved and accepted. We covered depression, teenagers, talked to couples in different stages of marriage, discussed the pressures of a business collapse, felt the pain of suffering, loss and grief, and learned ways we could help. Miscarriage, social media, burnout, addiction, prayer and resentment were some of the other topics we covered, along with holidays, food, and what books to read to your kids.

The most popular videos have been The Porn Subject, in which Bro. Gary Steel tackled the issue of pornography head-on and Heartache and Hope—Coping with the Loss of a Child, in which Bro. Luke and Sis. Vickie Smith shared their story of the heartbreaking loss of one of their children, and Bible Study with Kids, in which Bro. Andrew and Sis. Naomi Knox and their children shared their family’s journey in Bible study, along with some great do-this-at-home tips.

One of my personal favorites was Fatherhood with Bro. Darryn and Sis. Josie Horrel discussing Darryn’s reluctant journey into fatherhood and how he has come to embrace it, learning to be the father God intended him to be.

Family Matters takes us behind the picture frame to see that others are facing and overcoming the same trials. By opening up the conversation about the issues we all face, we can help and encourage one another as we walk toward God’s Kingdom.

After 54 Family Matters sessions, Sharon and I had to take a break due to ill health (long Covid), and because we were finding it hard to find new people willing to step out of the picture frame to share their real-life stories with us. It’s a scary thing to do, but the benefits to the thousands of people who have watched Family Matters have been huge.

Thank you to all our dear brothers and sisters who have shared their stories and inspired us all. And most of all, thanks to God for the grace in providing us with each other to help as we struggle through the trials and temptations of life.

You can watch Family Matters videos at thinkythings.com/family or christadelphianvideo.org/studyvideo/family-matters-providing-practical-encouragement-and-help.

Robert Prins,
Pakuranga Ecclesia, NZ