Shame and Grace in the Life of a Believer

Defining and discussing shame and grace from a Biblical viewpoint is not only relevant, but crucial.

We live in the societal context of “cancel culture,” vying with the Humanist preaching on tolerance, the decline of moral absolutes, and ultimately a shrinking belief in and following of a One, True God. There may be a connection between “cancel culture” and shame, as well as a link between tolerance and grace.

As such, defining and discussing shame and grace from a Biblical viewpoint is not only relevant, but crucial to our walk as disciples who are in the world, yet not of it. Guilt is a natural endpoint for missing God’s mark, built into us as a response to God’s laws. Yet, He does not leave us there. His mercies are “new every morning,” (Lamentations 3:22-23), providing grace, hope, and redemption.

What do we do about the often interchangeably used words “shame” and “guilt?” Is there a difference? Does it matter? Words have immense power (the Word of God is a prime example of this!), and the words we use in our minds and conversation have significance. The meanings of our English words have also undergone subtle shifts over time. We aim to provide food for thought on the difference between guilt and shame, and how we utilize them in our lives and thoughts, so that we may be transformed by the renewing of our minds (Romans 12:2).

Shame Defined

Think of a time you have felt shame. Pause and observe your body and mind’s reactions. There’s a burning in your face or ears, unsettled feelings in your stomach, an immediate mental demand for an excuse or defense, or tightness in your chest. Shame is a feeling or emotion (energy in motion) that moves through our bodies as a trigger from real or perceived wrongdoing. It is associated with embarrassment or humiliation from having done something improper, immoral, or dishonorable.

Both shame and guilt are consequences of sin, and they are referenced in the Bible as such. The difference, however, is that where shame is relational or emotional, guilt is judicial.

In many places where “shame” is used in Scripture, it is relational or emotional in nature: such as to be put to shame (e.g., Judges 18:7; Proverbs 25:10), to be consumed with shame (e.g., Jeremiah 20:18), or a reaction to or causation of a dishonorable act (e.g., Luke 14:9; Revelation 3:18). The English word “shame” is translated from various words defined by Strong’s as “disgrace; to blush; to wound; to pale; to be ashamed or disappointed.”

Shame vs. Guilt

Both shame and guilt are consequences of sin, and they are referenced in the Bible as such. The difference, however, is that where shame is relational or emotional, guilt is judicial. The English word “guilt” is used in places where the original text means “to owe; offend; liable; under judgment; faulty.” Let’s explore the differences a little more.

Guilt in the Garden

Imagine the Garden of Eden. Picture Adam and Eve biting into the forbidden fruit, followed by the sinking realization of their wrongdoings washing through their entire bodies. The gripping fear they felt as they heard the inquiring voice in the garden. Instead of answering, they anxiously made clothing out of inferior fig leaves. The covering did not exempt them from their punishment, and the consequences of their sin plague us throughout our lives. We, too, experience the ugliness of falling short. Yet even guilt’s awful feeling has its place, because to repent we need to be convinced we have done something amiss (Leviticus 5:5).

The first instance of shame in Scripture occurs in the story of Adam and Eve. It is a relational situation: “And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.” (Genesis 2:25). Walking around the angels, in the presence of God and each other, in a “very good” state as the rest of creation (Genesis 1:31), there was no context for shame. Then the emotion gripped them following their disobedience, and they sought to cover up. The inferior covering of fig leaves could not remove the startling fear as they heard the inquiring voice in the garden. They were guilty and suffered the consequence for their sins, a result we have inherited. Their hiding from God and searching for a solution themselves was fruitless.

When we sin, we think we are gaining something. We may be protecting our pride, sense of well-being or safety, satisfying some itch, or simply self-medicating. It is not deeply satisfying, and there is a tremendous letdown. How can the fruit be the most exquisite thing we have ever tasted, and all we may want is more, but afterward cause us to feel so unsatisfied? We have a fear of being found out, and we recognize that we have violated our standards, and we are in pain because we have done wrong.

Guilt: The Outcome of a Pricked Conscience

A healthy conscience “pricks us” to feel guilty when we have done amiss. It does its proper work to turn us back to God and His ways. Guilt is the realization of our responsibility to change a sinful behavior or harm caused, whereas shame is the feeling that we are flawed. Guilt can be a positive, helpful tool that we should strive to cultivate to the explicit exclusion of shame.

Self-Sabotaging Shame

Unresolved guilt can compound into shame over time, creating an identity wrapped up in lies we believe about ourselves: “I’m unlovable.” “I’m worthless.” “I’m useless.” “I’m always getting this wrong.” “There’s no hope for me!” These stories we tell ourselves seem so real, so true. We often sabotage ourselves with overwhelming amounts of shameful feelings. We are focused on our failures. We cannot see God’s hand lovingly working in and for us. Scripture provides polarized examples of shame related to similar issues. Peter repented after denying his Lord, but Judas did not after he betrayed Jesus.

The immense feelings of shame may lead to more coping through sinful behavior or problematic habits, such as addictions, depression, bullying, violence, or eating disorders. We often numb our capacity to feel and thus decrease helpful guilt-ridden emotions. It causes us to live in a perpetual freeze, feeling stuck and stagnated in our growth of the fruit of the Spirit. We may learn to manipulate, blame, and criticize. Perhaps this was the evil spirit God gave King Saul in I Samuel 16:14? We learn to hide our true selves from those we love, feeling far from those who seem so close to us. We may hate ourselves so much that we may pre-emptively punish ourselves before others do. It feels safer than bearing the consequences of others’ judgment. Our fear of failure may lead to a life filled with procrastination and stifled creativity, robbed of joy and vibrancy, and a deviation from God’s purpose for us.

If we ignore guilt for too long, it may bring on a seared conscience (Zephaniah 3:5; I Timothy 4:2). This is why Daniel could state, “And many of them that sleep in the dust of the earth shall awake, some to everlasting life, and some to shame and everlasting contempt.” (Daniel 12:2). Even in this life, unresolved guilt can be a contributing factor to depression, potentially leading to the misery of alienation from God. When worked through into repentance, guilt has its conclusion in forgiveness and peace. Unresolved shame is a never-ending spiral that erodes the heart and identity of a believer.

Shifting the Shame

How are we to change from numbing or blame-shifting to working on the deeper issues of shamefulness? How can we allow guilt to do its work without spiraling into toxic shame? We must first become vulnerable to God, opening and sharing with Him our sufferings (such as the prayer for deliverance in Psalm 69). We soften to His perfect, loving correction by letting His truth in and raising our heads to His light for healing.

Perhaps uncomfortably confessing our faults to a trusted friend can give us a resurgence of freedom despite the consequences, such as losing our positions in the meeting or our reputation (James 5:16). We are a community that falls short; every single one of us struggles to overcome our sinful nature. The development of friendship within our family in Jesus supports us through life’s challenges.

Freedom in Christ

Remember, even before Eve reached for the piece of fruit, God already had a way of salvation in store. Jesus has gone before us and done for us what we could never do for ourselves. Paul wrote to the Romans:

We must believe and continue to tell ourselves the truth that Jesus leads the way to fruitfulness in him, and with full assurance of faith, we can move forward, transforming our minds to one like his (Hebrews 10:19-23). Our identity is in him, and he has made us free from sin and guilt, enabling us to learn and mature.

Living in a State of Repentance

The way back to the Garden is a long journey. There is freedom awaiting us, both now and much more so after Jesus’ return. As guilt rightly motivates healthy change and self-hatred lifts, the possibilities for love, growth, and strength through Jesus blossom. Joy comes from knowing that our sins are forgiven (Psalm 32:1-2). Shame and confusion go together in verses in Scripture, and so do righteousness and peace. Which path do we want to pursue? “And the work of righteousness shall be peace; and the effect of righteousness quietness and assurance for ever.” (Isaiah 32:17).

Living in a state of repentance is the way to salvation. We are not left helpless. We need to quit hiding and covering our past and present unrepented sins. Let’s run to God through Jesus in prayer, not away like Adam and Eve. Hebrews 7:25 states in the ESV that “He is able to save to the uttermost those who draw near to God through him, since he always lives to make intercession for them.” Jesus never gives up on us, and in his strength, we can change. The word for Jesus’ ability to save is akin to the English word unstoppable. If we keep drawing near to God, he will stop at nothing to save us.

Conclusion

Guilt is a natural outcome of missing God’s mark. It is a tool God uses within our minds and bodies to help us turn to Him for a solution. We may mistakenly remain mired in guilt, even denying God’s forgiveness. Our thoughts can turn from “I have done wrong,” to “I am wrong,” thus producing toxic shame. God freely gives grace and can be deeply cultivated in our lives. In Part 2 of Shame and Grace in the Life of a Believer, we will explore the topic of grace in more detail.

Leslie Wood,
Richmond Hall Unamended Ecclesia, VA

and

Nomes Scott,
Cambridge Ecclesia, ON