Shepherding Our Children in Challenging Circumstances

Nothing is more important than our children and guiding them to the Kingdom in every way we can.

Within our community, some are raising children in a home without both parents being “believers.” Some have a spouse who may have walked away from God, and some have one who has never committed to Him or perhaps goes to meeting but is not an active member and does not necessarily encourage Bible readings in the home. These scenarios lead to challenges for the parent trying to follow the advice in Proverbs 22:6 to, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

In these situations, we must have honest and loving conversations with our partner about our focus on teaching and leading our children in God’s ways and truth. We wish to help them understand and support our role in teaching and bringing up our children in this manner. It may not be an easy thing to do, depending on the feelings of our partner. They may have been “turned off” from the Truth for many reasons or have never had an interest in religion. The focus of this article is not to address the reasons for this. It is to provide help and guidance for the parent so they can find ways to lead, teach, and guide our children, as well as their partner.

We all strive for a God-centered home, whether within or outside these circumstances. It is not built on perfect behavior, but like any house, it needs to have a strong foundation, built on the rock of the Word and not the sand of the world. Our faith must be woven or knit into our children’s daily lives by our example and love for God.

How can this be achieved? Well, in the everyday raising of children, we know that routine greatly impacts their learning. Routines provide stability, independence, and a feeling of safety. It also builds self-confidence and supports healthy relationships. When we add “faith routines” to their lives, we also add these same feelings about God to their minds. We need to incorporate our faith into the family’s daily routines. Making prayer a regular and shared experience is one way, not just as a bedtime ritual. In 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, Paul tells us to, “Rejoice evermore. Pray without ceasing. In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” So, we teach them about prayer even when they are very young children.

Close your eyes. Tell them that we are going to pray and thank God for this day, for our food, that we do well at school, and that we have fun with our friends, maybe that God will help with a struggle or anxiety they are facing. At some point, we may see them standing with closed eyes, praying quietly by themselves. They need to see us model this behavior.

We can talk about our faith during the day with them as well. When we are driving, we can ask them questions like, “Did you see God work in your life today?” At the dinner table, ask the same question in a round table discussion. Listen to them. Accept their feelings. Help them build confidence in their emotions and the need to share. Each child will have a different answer; one is not more important than another. This experience will also help them to hear and accept what others are feeling.

There is a saying, “A feeling is neither good nor bad. It is just a feeling.” It also helps to teach children to listen to others and understand this statement. We don’t all feel the same way in the same circumstances. But our feelings are not wrong. Just different. What makes me happy, sad, or anxious might not be perceived the same by you.

We can guide them to the many examples we have recorded about feelings in the Bible. How did Joseph feel when his brothers threw him into the pit? How did David feel when he was running from Saul? How about Daniel when he faced the lion’s den? What compassion did Jesus feel when he healed someone? How anxious was Esther when she stood before the king to help save her people from Haman? There are so many examples for us to draw on and implant in their minds, and to teach them about with open discussion.

If a child has been unkind to them or they are being bullied, we can teach them about Biblical love and forgiveness. The “What Did Jesus Do?” question is worth discussing with them. We may have to take it further if the bullying is at school or (unfortunately) the ecclesial level, but we can also show them the Christlike example in this. We can teach them Christ’s example in Matthew 18 about working out our issues with others. Or as Paul wrote in Ephesians 4:32 (NLT), “Be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.”

With older children who may be affected by current events in the world, we can teach them the Bible’s view of these things. We can discuss with them how the world is changing and that we need to trust God is in control and will bring His Son back to earth soon. There are so many books and chapters about the end times, and we can discuss these events. It may well build their faith and trust that the Bible is true and God has shown us what will come.

Read the Bible together with them as often as you can. Pick the best way for the family to learn the lessons and words of God. Maybe it is the daily Bible readings or perhaps choosing a book and working through it with them. Regardless, read it with them! Feel free to use a storybook Bible with pictures for the younger kids. My son-in-law has a great ending to every Bible reading we do. He begins with the youngest and ends with the oldest person in the room, asking specific questions about the chapter. The very little ones get this type of question: “Who lives in heaven?” or “Where does God live?” Their smile is infectious when they answer.

Another critical point is to be consistent with these efforts. Even a few minutes every day will make an impact on them and on us! God willing, even our spouse. Perhaps we ask them what their favorite Bible verse is and then place it somewhere we can all see it, such as on the fridge, bathroom mirror, or the door to their bedroom. Maybe even in their lunch box?

Playing worship music in the home can also be helpful. We have several Christadelphian praise and worship websites, as well as WCF music or perhaps Christian music stations we can play. On the way to meeting, we can listen to that music to help prepare our minds for the service and Sunday School. Watching Bible-based shows or movies can be appropriate. There is a site called “Sight and Sound” with several Bible-based plays, music, and even real animals. Every age group will enjoy them.

Be an example to them in your daily life. There are several ways you can do this. You can be happy parenting them every day. Don’t countenance anger or upset about being the sole parent who insists on Divine standards for behavior. When you have to mete out the judgment for their misbehavior, you can relate it to God’s examples of justice to His children in the Bible. Show your children that He does this out of His love for us, and His desire that we choose Him above all, so that we can be with Him in the Kingdom for eternity. Luke 12:32 reassures us, “Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the Kingdom.”

When you make a mistake with them, confess and ask for forgiveness from them, and vice versa. When they err, as they will, teach them to confess and ask for forgiveness. Encourage them not to hide their misbehavior from you. Let them know that you love them and will forgive them, although there may still be a consequence.

Teach them trust as well. You will feel humility and grace when you do this. It can deepen their understanding of God’s love for us as our heavenly parent, who wants us to follow His example to be honest, loving and forgiving. Jesus encouraged us in Matthew 6:14 (NIV), “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.”

Be the example in the home so that when your children see you putting God first in your life daily, they will learn that faith is a daily walk. It is not meant to be something we only do on Sunday or in the weekly Bible class. It is an everyday way of life, not an occasional one.

You need to be intentional about their interactions with the world as well. Who do they spend their time with? Are their friends from the world or the meeting? Implementing this policy can be a tough one, especially if you do not live close to their ecclesial friends. But you can help them choose their world friends on a more Scriptural level. Do those friends want to do the readings with the family? Might they want to come to meeting or Sunday School with them, or if older, would they come to CYC? Make a concerted effort to attend the ecclesial events every week. Get to the Bible study weekends and Bible schools. If you can afford a vacation every year, you should also do at least one Bible School a year.

What devices do you allow them to use, and how much time do they get to spend on them? Are you regulating the sites they may visit? How about TV and the shows or movies they may watch? We need to limit their exposure to the worldly influences contradicting God’s values. Very little in the world is Christ-like in manner or influence. We need to be so careful in this regard, and at the same time, talk to them and show them the Bible teachings as the reason we don’t walk in the way of the world. Many verses in Scripture reinforce this, such as Psalm 119:1, “Blessed are the undefiled in the way, who walk in the law of the LORD.”

“Talk frequently about the Kingdom with them. Describe the joy they will realize… Ask what their vision of the Kingdom is, and share your vision with them too.”

Let’s go back to the beginning and revisit the idea of routine. These examples of leading your children daily with these routines will likely build in them a need to carry on as they grow up, perhaps finding a partner in the Truth. They may then lead their own family based on your Bible-based example of guiding children to the Kingdom. The results of this plan aren’t perfect. Some will still walk away on a path you don’t want them to be on. But they will all likely walk away if we don’t provide an example. The world is a dangerous place, and we have so many examples of that in our Bibles. God knew it. He said to have little to no interaction with the world because it would take us away. Hebrews 2:1 ESV says, “Therefore we must pay much closer attention to what we have heard, lest we drift away from it.” As we read stories about His people turning to the world and its idols, we can reinforce why we are trying so hard to follow God’s ways.

Talk frequently about the Kingdom with them. Describe the joy they will realize. Talk about Christ reigning on David’s throne. Ask what their vision of the Kingdom is, and share your vision with them too. Share the Bible verses that point to that time. The little ones will love to hear about being able to play with lions. The older ones will develop a vision of a time of peace and be motivated by the work they may be able to do for Jesus with their friends.

I recently had a discussion with a few young people about the Kingdom. One was baptized, and the other three were not. We spoke about the differences of being brought to the Kingdom at Christ’s return. We discussed how the baptized teen and I would be taken immediately to the Judgment. But for many who have yet to come to a knowledge of the Truth, they may live to a very ripe age, bringing up a family in ideal conditions. Then, for them to see in the end, the final judgment and resurrection. Their faces light up when this is discussed, and they shared their questions and thoughts about how beautiful this would be.

It is so vital for those without a spousal agreement on the necessity of God in our lives to find the best ways to be the example and the leader in our homes. Set up the routines, and be the role model for them. We have so many stories about this in the Bible. Timothy is a great example, being raised by his mother and grandmother in the Truth, with a father who was not. We don’t know exactly how long Naomi taught Ruth and her sister-in-law, but Ruth heard and turned to God because of her. Mordecai helped Esther.

We ourselves need to turn to it and read about those men and women, take their methods as role models, and incorporate them into our daily lives. It won’t always be easy. There will definitely be a need for open communication with our partner about having God and His Word in our homes and lives. But the key here is that nothing is more important than our children and guiding them to the Kingdom in every way we can.

Linda Beckerson,
Ann Arbor Ecclesia, MI