Turning Away From Gossip

God calls us to protect, encourage, and uplift one another.

My goal in writing this article is simply to understand gossip better. Not just the obvious kind we label as “gossip,” but also the more subtle kind, the behind-the-back talk. By that, I mean the kind of conversations that arise when speaking about someone who is not present, which inevitably leads to misunderstandings, judgments, and withholding the benefit of the doubt. The word that comes to mind to describe this is “drama.” I began this study with no one in mind but myself. I need to understand God’s view because, the truth is, this kind of behavior has been part of my life, and it is ingrained in our human nature.

While gossip doesn’t exactly feel right when we do it, it also doesn’t always feel wrong. It’s sneaky and it’s everywhere. It’s normalized. It’s in movies, classic rom-coms, high school dramas, and reality TV. It’s almost become part of our global culture.

Another focus of this study is the kind of talk that quietly damages, even when we don’t mean it to. The sort of talk that creates division without us even realizing it. Because often we just fall into it. Subtly, it becomes a method of bonding, a way to pass time and “catch up.” Sometimes, to be honest, we’re even waiting for something dramatic to happen, so we’ll have something to talk about. For these reasons, I am seeking to understand, not just gossip, but also how it affects us and how the division it causes is relevant to our walk in Christ.

Let’s turn to the Bible to explore the lessons and examples about unity and division, and how the tongue shapes both outcomes. Gossip is generally defined as speaking carelessly or foolishly about others. The phrase “to be a gossip” often refers to someone in society, sometimes a woman, who engages in this kind of talk. Paul appears to be addressing what may have been a particular challenge for women when he wrote,

Here are a few possible reasons why Paul wrote this way. Firstly, perhaps women are stereotyped as more talkative and less confrontational? Maybe women tend to express their feelings more openly.

The verse “A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends” (Proverbs 16:28 NIV) makes it clear that gossip isn’t harmless chatter. It has the power to separate close friends and cause divisions. According to the Blue Letter Bible, the Hebrew word translated “gossip” comes from an unused root meaning “to roll to pieces.” It’s used to describe a slanderer, talebearer, or whisperer, someone who quietly but intentionally spreads harmful talk. In this context, a “whisperer” isn’t just someone speaking softly; it refers to a malicious person who breaks trust and damages relationships.

In Hebrew, “slanderer” comes from a root meaning “to go about,” like someone who goes around gathering and spreading tales. These verses remind us how harmful this kind of talk can be, leading to betrayal and breaking trust in our relationships.

Here in Proverbs, gossip is described as tempting and hard to resist. It pulls at our desires. Based on what I’ve learned, here’s how I would define gossip: it’s the act of sharing specific, private, and often unnecessary or unconfirmed information about someone behind their back, usually with the intent of harming their reputation. The keyword here is intent. That’s what sets gossip apart from simply confiding in someone or venting. Do you know the difference between venting and gossiping? They might sound similar, but there’s an important distinction. Venting is about expressing your own feelings and experiences. Gossiping is talking about someone else’s life, often without their knowledge and in a way that could hurt them.

Here are a few examples to help distinguish between the two:

Example 1—Venting:

It’s been very difficult dealing with the children. I love them so much, but I struggle to make it through the day.

Example 2—Venting:

I was sad to hear there was a party and I wasn’t invited. It made me feel unimportant.

Example 3—Gossiping:

Did I tell you what Amelia told me? You won’t believe it!

Example 4—Gossiping:

Lili acts like she’s better than everyone, but she isn’t.

Your intentions matter. Sometimes, we might think we’re just venting when we could be gossiping without realizing it. If we’re talking about someone and our goal is to make the situation sound worse or add unnecessary details, then our intention has shifted, and that’s when it crosses the line into gossip.

I once read that not all gossip is negative. It’s possible that sharing facts about others is a form of talk known as “neutral” or “informational gossip.” It’s usually harmless and can, in fact, help people feel more connected. In many cases, it’s a way for friends or family to bond and stay in the loop with what’s going on in each other’s lives. But this represents non-malicious sharing of information rather than gossip.

Here’s an example:

Did you know that Betty recently moved back to Tahiti? She had been living in New Caledonia for many years but returned to her homeland not too long ago.

In a recent sister’s class with the Baltimore sisters, we had a wonderful discussion about how to share “information” without slipping into harmful gossip. One helpful idea was to remember James 1:19, “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.”

On another note, I came across an article in Psychology Today saying that we’re more likely to gossip around people who share a mutual dislike for someone. This shared feeling can make us feel justified in speaking negatively, as if agreeing with each other gives us permission to talk badly. Gossip in this form often includes exaggeration or the urge to make stories more dramatic or entertaining, even if it hurts the person being talked about.

Gossip can be driven by many things, like our emotions, personal opinions, interpretations, beliefs, and even our unresolved insecurities or need for validation. What is needed is an honest look at our intentions. Be honest with ourselves and pay attention. If you feel like what you’re about to say might be wrong, it probably is. So, it’s best to avoid that path when you know the kind of trouble it can bring.

Gossip is something God views seriously.

So, when we find ourselves in a moment of temptation, whether it’s to share something we shouldn’t or to listen in, we can pause and ask: What would Jesus do in this moment? If you find yourself in a conversation where someone is gossiping, remember, you still have a choice in how to respond. Maybe gently saying you’re willing to listen if they need to confide in you about a problem, but you will not listen to gossip.

When we find ourselves in a moment of temptation, whether it’s to share something we shouldn’t or to listen in, we can pause and ask: What would Jesus do in this moment?

When Paul mentions gossip in 1 Timothy 3:11, 2 Timothy 3:3, and Titus 2:3, he uses the Greek word diabolos, which means “false accuser.” Interestingly, this is the same word often translated as “devil.” It’s a strong reminder that when we spread gossip, we can unknowingly take part in wrong that causes harm and division. How could we call ourselves followers of Christ, yet speak in a way that doesn’t mirror Him?

Jesus reminds us that our words carry weight, and we’ll be held accountable for every careless thing we say. That doesn’t mean we need to be perfect, but it does mean we need to be intentional and thoughtful about what comes out of our mouths. Scripture encourages us with this reminder, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up.” (Ephesians 4:29 NIV).

Philippians 4:8 offers another helpful strategy: focusing on the good in others. Look for what is true, honorable, lovely, and praiseworthy, and choose to “think about these things.” When our minds dwell on the positive, our words are more likely to reflect grace and encouragement.

Even something small, a quick comment or careless remark, can cause massive destruction, just like a tiny spark can set an entire forest on fire.

When we gossip, we cause division. As followers of Christ, we are responsible for representing God and Jesus in the best possible way.

Division leads to missed opportunities. Here’s an example in 1 Kings 12. After King Solomon’s death, his son Rehoboam took the throne. Not long after, the people led by Jeroboam came to him with a request. They asked him to lighten the heavy burdens Solomon had placed on them, promising they would serve him faithfully in return. Rehoboam first went to the older, wiser men for advice, and they encouraged him to respond with kindness and to serve the people well. But then he turned to the younger men he had grown up with, and they urged him to be severe. Rehoboam chose the harsh route. Because of that decision, the ten northern tribes rebelled. They rejected the house of David and made Jeroboam their king, leaving only Judah and Benjamin loyal to Rehoboam. This account reminds us that pride and harshness do not build unity but rather create division. In this case, the division of the kingdom also opened the door to idolatry, ultimately leading Israel away from God. Unity is not just for our benefit; it allows us to glorify God more fully as one body, and helps us do that in a powerful, visible way.

Love is presented here as the glue that holds everything, and everyone, together in perfect unity. My husband Micah is an arborist, which means he knows and talks a lot about trees! I used to enjoy peaceful, quiet walks. Now every stroll turns into a full-blown tree tour! While most of what he says goes over my head, here’s one lesson that stuck with me. Which tree do you think thrives more, a lone tree standing in an open field or one rooted in a forest? The answer is the tree rooted in a forest. Surrounded by others, it stands stronger through storms, acting as windbreakers and supporting each other through their roots, allowing them to share nutrients, water, and even chemical signals to help one another thrive. Alone in a field, a tree lacks this network and must survive entirely on its own.

Just like trees thrive when connected, people are stronger and more resilient together.

Like roots intertwined under the forest floor, we are designed to be interconnected and interdependent.

Mutual support is key to spiritual strength, just like trees sharing nutrients. Remember 1 Corinthians 16:14 (NIV): “Do everything in love.” And love isn’t just a feeling. It’s meant to shape our actions, words, and motives in everything we do. If you find it hard to connect with others and feel tempted to bond over gossip, you’re not alone; we’ve all been there. But there are many more meaningful (and fulfilling!) ways to build real connections. Here are a few simple, but powerful questions we can ask each other:

• What’s God been teaching you lately?
• How can I support you this week? (Inspired by Aunt Audrey)
• What’s been challenging your faith?

We can also pray together and seek God as a group. Let’s encourage each other by sharing something kind or uplifting, reminding people that even if we don’t see them often, we still see them, value them, and are thinking of them. Let’s be a community that reflects Christ’s love in every conversation. Let us not forget that Christ died for our sins. (1 Peter 2:24).

Jesus willingly took the weight of our sins upon Himself. This sacrifice wasn’t something forced; it was a loving, intentional act. He took what we deserved (death) so we could receive what we didn’t deserve (forgiveness and life).

We didn’t (and couldn’t) earn God’s love or salvation. It’s a gift, given out of His incredible mercy and grace. Time is a precious gift, and how we use it matters. I hope we all choose to spend it in ways that honor God and bring peace to our hearts.

The one takeaway is this: our words carry power. They can either tear down or build up. They can isolate or bring us closer. And while gossip might feel small or even harmless in the moment, it can do real damage, not just to others, but to our own hearts, our friendships, and our unity as a body. God calls us to protect, encourage, and uplift one another. Like trees in a forest stand strong when they’re rooted together, we too are stronger when we are united in love, grace, and truth. So, let’s be intentional. Let’s choose to pause, to pray, and to speak in ways that reflect Jesus. Let’s build a culture of trust with God in the center, where love leads, curiosity replaces judgment, and unity becomes our norm.

Kate Hewitson,
Baltimore Ecclesia, MD