This article is part of the series: Psalms for the Night Seasons

Psalms for the Night Seasons, Part 5: The Lonely Sparrow

Loneliness isn’t just being alone, it’s feeling unseen, unheard, and disconnected. But God provides “night lights”: connection with others, connection with Him, and a reminder that we are never forgotten.

By Nathan Badger

Read Time: 13 minutes

Mother Teresa once observed that “Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty.” Her somber insight reveals the intense pain, isolation, and loss we feel when starved for connection with others. Have you ever found yourself at night with a deep hole in your heart—perhaps you long for companionship, or feel bereft of meaningful friendship and togetherness? We may have lost a loved one or confidant, or just feel unseen, unheard, and disconnected from others.

The “poverty of loneliness” often contributed to the troubled “night seasons” of the Psalmists (22:2; 16:7).¹ Their experiences help us validate our own loneliness and assure us that these feelings are difficult, but normal parts of human life. Thankfully, the Psalmists also offer “night lights” and solutions to help us move through this dark tunnel and eventually find peaceful sleep (Psalm 4:8).

The Lonely Sparrow

David’s loneliness is palpable in the Psalms. For example, in Psalm 25 David appeals to God to “turn to him” and “have mercy” on him because “I am desolate and afflicted.” (v. 16).² The word desolate means “solitary” and is often translated “lonely.” In another psalm, David laments that his friends and relatives “keep their distance.” (Psalm 38:11 NET). Later, we find David hiding in a cave. The dark and isolation of this cavity is both literal and figurative—he complains to God, “Look and see, there is no one at my right hand; no one is concerned for me… no one cares for my life.” (Psalm 142:1,4 NIV).

Psalm 102 also demonstrates the heavy feelings of the Psalmist’s isolation using three birds: 

1. “I am like a pelican of the wilderness.” (v. 6)
2. “I am like an owl of the desert.” (v. 6)
3. “I lie awake, and am like a sparrow alone on the housetop.” (v. 7)

Together, these three similes may capture our own feelings of isolation. Pelicans are highly social water birds that would shrivel in the dry isolation of “the wilderness.” The desert owl is nocturnal (up at night) and typically solitary. And sparrows are gregarious birds—a lone sparrow on a housetop paints a sad picture of aloneness.

At times, we may relate to these feelings of the Psalmists. Whether by tragedy, loss of loved ones, enemies, illness, life changes, or other, we can find ourselves on our own or perceive that we are isolated from God and others. This loneliness can leave our “heart stricken and withered like grass” (v. 4) and cause us to “lie awake” for endless hours at night (v. 7).

What is Loneliness?

Loneliness is the mental or emotional discomfort that we experience from being or perceiving ourselves to be alone.³ This distress results when our inherent, God given needs for intimacy, companionship and meaningful social connection are not met. Loneliness is not necessarily a fact—rather, it is an emotional state of mind that causes us to feel empty, alone, unwanted, disconnected, unloved, not understood, abandoned, untrusting, or on the outskirts of society.⁴

But being part of a crowd does not prevent us from feeling lonely. Loneliness describes what we feel when we are in a crowded space and are not connecting with people as much as we would like. We can be surrounded by people and friends, or in a long-lasting marriage, and still experience deep, pervasive loneliness. We may feel lonely in our family, at a Bible School, in our ecclesia, or at CYC.

Loneliness is rooted in connection. Dr. Brene Brown, an acclaimed researcher in human relations, defines connection as “The energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.” Further, she observes that “We are hardwired to connect with others. It’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives, and without it there is suffering.”⁵ If we feel lonely, or know someone who is struggling with loneliness, it is critical we evaluate our levels of healthy “connectivity” with God and others.

Is Loneliness A Problem?

Loneliness is a serious and growing global challenge. Several years before the COVID pandemic, Dr. Vivek Murthy, the former US Surgeon General, raised the alarm on loneliness and identified it as a “public health crisis and epidemic.”⁶ Since then he has published a sobering book⁷ and shocking Public Health Advisory⁸ which evidences, through factual research, the steep rise of loneliness between 2003 and 2023. His research shows that only 39% of people felt connected to others, and pre-COVID over 50% of Americans experienced loneliness—the highest rates being among young adults.

Dr. Murthy identifies the cause of this epidemic as our decline in meaningful connections and in-person social engagements. For example, between 2003 and 2023:

• Social isolation increased by 24 hours per month.
• Household family social engagement decreased by 5 hours per month.
• Companionship decreased by 14 hours per month.
• Social engagement with friends decreased 20 hours per month.

He concludes that connection is “a broken thread in our deteriorating social fabric.” He also shows that social disconnection has an enormous impact on our health and mortality—it has a similar impact as smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day and has a greater impact than obesity and physical inactivity! Persistent loneliness results in far greater risk of cardiovascular disease, dementia, stroke, depression, anxiety, and premature death.

As disciples of Christ, are we affected by the decline in social connection and impacts of loneliness? Over the past years I have conducted a reliable Loneliness Evaluation⁹ at three Bible Schools across the Americas. On a scale of 1 to 80, the American average is 44, which is considered “high loneliness.” Shockingly, all three Bible Schools had an average score of 42 through 44. In other words, our level of loneliness is also high and the same as the national average. These scores suggest we are not immune to loneliness and have work to do!

General Solutions for Loneliness

Loneliness is a terrible feeling, but God has designed this painful feeling to alert us that we need to make life changes and seek healthy connections. God created us to be social beings and declared from the beginning that “it is not good that man should be alone.” (Genesis 2:18).

There are many ways that we can improve our “connections” and reduce loneliness. The following is a list of proven “helps” that experts recommend we practice.

The last point is worth emphasizing. Dr. Murthy and other researchers have shown that the prolific use of digital devices and electronic “social” platforms (e.g. texting, Facebook) is driving disconnection and discouraging people from meeting in person. Personal connection has a far greater positive impact on our state of loneliness.

David’s “Night Lights” for Loneliness

The Psalms also offer solutions or “night lights” for the dark feelings of loneliness. I have explored three below that David practiced and benefitted from.

1) Fatherless, Stranger, Widow

In Psalm 25, David describes himself as “desolate and afflicted,” (v. 16), but is also assured that God “shall pluck my feet out of the net.” (v. 15). The Hebrew word translated “desolate” is typically used in the Bible to describe an “only son” and therefore emphasizes the loneliness and isolation of having few connections in one’s life.

David uses this same Hebrew word in Psalm 68 where he reminds himself, and us, of a key reassurance from God: “God sets the solitary in families.” (v. 6). The word “solitary” is the same word as “desolate” in Psalm 25. In other words, David has confidence that God sees and cares deeply for the lonely and solitary, can “pluck their feet from this net” of loneliness, and connect or “set them” into connection-rich and family-like environments. This is very reassuring! God hears our pleas and does not abandon us, though others may.

David’s references to lonely, isolated individuals are meant to remind us of a fundamental truth taught in Psalm 146. Here we are assured that “The LORD watches over the strangers; He relieves the fatherless and the widow.” (v. 9). The sense of all three Hebrew words is that these are individuals who are noticeably solitary, lonely, or desolate in society. In other words, God is keenly aware of those who feel lonely and vulnerable and He “watches over” them, or as the Hebrew means, He “hedges them about” (as with thorns) to guard them. If we feel lonely or belong to one of these groups, God has our back!

Deuteronomy mentions these three lonely groups eighteen times. This repetition is meant to emphasize to Israel and us the depth of God’s care for these people. But they also carry a personal call to action. In the context of the feasts, God taught Israel: “Thou shalt rejoice in thy feast, thou, and… the stranger, and the fatherless, and the widow.” (Deuteronomy 16:14 KJV). It is easy to gloss over, but God’s command implies that they had a responsibility to take care of these individuals and to ensure that the lonely were a) included in the Feasts, and b) enjoyed them as much as Israel. On the flipside, if you were one of the “lonely,” these invitations should be accepted and were partly intended to develop meaningful connections and “joy” with others.

In other words, God sets the lonely in families… our families! We have a personal responsibility to help others not be lonely. Do we apply these principles? Do we reach out to those in our ecclesia and society and include them in our families and social events, though it may be uncomfortable? And when others reach out to us when we feel lonely, do we respond and accept healthy opportunities to connect, though it may take significant motivation? It is easy to forget and marginalize the lonely and vulnerable, and only spend time with those closest or most comfortable to us. Surely, we can improve in this respect—our countries and ecclesias are increasingly filled with lonely immigrants, single young people, and widowed baby-boomers that are craving connection in new cultures and a connection-starved world.

2) Connection with Others

David’s experiences in the caves of Judea illustrate another “night light” for overcoming loneliness. Though the caves were filled with a litany of distress and isolation (see Psalms 57 and 142), God also used the caves to “set David in a family” and provide peace and support through these connections.

While at the Cave of Adullam, we learn that David’s family came down to meet him (1 Samuel 22:1). Shortly after, he was joined by 400 troubled men that were struggling with life challenges—they were in debt, and “bitter in soul.” (v. 2 YLT). Together, this was David’s new family that God had set him in. These “cave connections” were a vital opportunity for David to share his challenges, be encouraged, and be reminded that he was still loved and cared for. No doubt he connected with these cave men by cooking, sharing stories, sharpening swords, and the odd arm-wrestle. As time progressed, David’s loneliness is gradually replaced by acts of leadership and compassion for these broken men (v. 2).

When we are lonely, do we actively seek a “connection cave”—a healthy space where we can talk, spend quality time and togetherness with others, like David? It does not have to be with four hundred people. It may only be one or a few others who can offer us meaningful companionship and reassurance that we are needed and heard. In his book Together, Dr. Murthy describes the benefits of “Man Sheds” that were initiated in Australia and have since spread throughout the globe. These are places for men (or women) to meet up during the week, work on projects with others in the neighborhood, socialize, laugh, cry, drink coffee, and support each other. They are phenomenally successful, and in many ways, are a modern-day Cave of Adullam.

David’s actions at the Cave of Adullam also shows that he alleviated his loneliness by refocusing his energy from his personal troubles to the four hundred bitter men whom “he became captain over.” (v. 2 NET). When we are lonely, we can become consumed with ourselves. When we refocus our time, energy, and care on others, we move our minds off ourselves and onto more positive and rewarding experiences that quell our loneliness.

3) Connection with God

Psalm 25 offers a third night light for loneliness. David states, “The secret of the LORD is with those who fear Him, And He will show them his covenant.” (v. 14). What is this “secret” David speaks of? The ESV and ASV translate this word “friendship,” and the Hebrew defines it as an “intimate company of people.” In other words, David realizes that God wants us to build a close connection with Him. This connection will provide intimacy, friendship, and closeness that we may not get from anyone else.

How do we develop a close connection with God? Several years ago, I used to go bird watching at a park called Divine Lake (ironically). Here, I often found myself talking with God. I sat near the end of a bench and pretended that God was sitting right beside me, as I poured out my heart, asked questions, and cried bitter tears. I felt closer to God by making Him real, and right beside me. David and the Psalmists do the same when they picture God’s right hand as a tangible and powerful entity in their lives. David states, “Thy hand shall lead me, thy right hand shall hold me.” (Psalm 139:10). The word “hold” means “to seize.” Like David, I have found it helpful to reach out my hand, and picture myself grasping God’s hand, and both of us seizing each other’s tightly, and not letting go. This helps me capture the closeness, energy, and connection that God wants us to develop with Him. It makes my “friendship” with Him real and alleviates my own loneliness.

In Psalm 25, David shares clues that he has modelled his close connection with God on the connection that prior faithful people had. The phrases, “Show me Your ways,” (v. 4), “Remember, O LORD, Your tender mercies and Your lovingkindness,” (v. 6), and “The humble He teaches His way,” (v. 9), are all allusions to the close relationship that the “humble” man Moses developed with God (Numbers 12:3). The phrases, “His descendants shall inherit the earth,” (v. 13), “He will shew them his covenant,” (v. 14), and “The secret [i.e. friendship] of the Lord… is with those who fear him,” (v. 14) are all allusions to Abraham, who “was called the friend of God.” (James 2:23). Do we model our friendship with God on Moses and Abraham’s friendship? Both men communicated with God often, loved, and revered God, actively watched to see Him working in their lives, and expressed a deep desire to be part of His covenants and promises. They made God real and interacted with Him as they would with a real Father. God was their closest friend—do we actively make Him ours? If we “draw near to God,” God promises “He will draw near to us.” (James 4:8).

“More Value Than Many Sparrows”

Loneliness is a painful “night season” that all of us encounter during our lives. In Psalm 22, David exclaims, “My God, My God, why have You forsaken me?” (v. 1). These words express the abandonment David felt, but primarily they are Messianic and express the loneliness and pain that Jesus felt on the cross as he quoted David’s very words (Matthew 27:46).

Jesus was well-acquainted with the feelings of loneliness. He experienced the loneliness and desolation of being God’s “only son” (Psalm 25:16), and the isolation of being rejected and cast off by his family and enemies. At times, like us, he even questioned if his Father had “forsaken” him. Our own loneliness helps us understand the loneliness of God’s Son. And we can take heart—Jesus’s loneliness helped him sympathize with our own loneliness. (Hebrews 5:15).

In his times of loneliness, Jesus poured over the psalms for solutions and “night lights.” He trusted that God could see his plight, and used “connection” with his disciples, friends, and his Father to alleviate the pain. He also dedicated his life to help those who were stumbling around in the dark caves of life. Although he was often a lonely sparrow on a housetop, God saw and valued him, as He did David. He also plucked his feet from the net of these experiences and set him in families that supported and loved Him. It was these experiences that led Jesus to reassure us: “Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.” (Matthew 10:29-31).

If we are wrestling with loneliness, or life’s many other challenges, may we open the psalms and use them as a “night light” to dispel the darkness of our night seasons.

Nathan Badger,
Cambridge Ecclesia, ON