Book Review: “Breaking the Cycle“

This book explores the complex realities of domestic violence and challenges us as believers to confront this evil with a Christ-like heart. 

Bro. Andrew and Sis. Julie Weller (Cumberland Ecclesia, Australia) are the authors of Breaking the Cycle: A Scriptural Approach to Domestic Violence. They have witnessed firsthand the devastating effects of domestic violence within our community. Their intention with this new book is to shed light on domestic violence’s realities, equip readers with Scriptural guidance, and inspire compassionate action within our community.

Through this work, they aim to break the silence, educate, and advocate for lasting change that reflects our calling to do justice, seek mercy, and maintain faithfulness. This book promises to be a good support for our Christadelphian community in recognizing and addressing the problem of domestic violence. It is being released as part of the Tidings EcclesiaSafe Program.

Domestic violence shatters lives. It isn’t just the physical scars, for often there are none. It’s the unseen wounds that continue to haunt long after any bruises might have faded. As followers of Christ, our responsibility goes beyond merely recognizing these wounds. We are called to act in love, empathy, and wisdom. In this book, they explore the complex realities of domestic violence and challenge believers to confront this evil with a Christ-like heart. 

What Is It Like to Experience Domestic Violence?

Domestic violence is not just an event but often an unrelenting cycle that deeply affects the victims, leaving them in a state of constant fear and emotional turmoil. The pain experienced is not solely physical. It reaches the core of a person’s sense of identity and worth.

For many victims, the journey into an abusive relationship often begins subtly, with small manipulations and emotional degradation that grows over time. This gradual erosion can leave them doubting their own experiences and perceptions, contributing to a pervasive sense of confusion and helplessness.

Abuse is manifested in many forms. It can be physical, such as hitting, pushing, or other violent acts that harm the body. But physical abuse is just one piece of the puzzle. Many victims endure psychological abuse—verbal attacks that belittle, humiliate, or threaten them. Over time, this erodes the victim’s self-esteem, making them feel worthless or incapable of escaping their circumstances. They may also experience emotional abuse in the form of intimidation, isolation, or coercion. Abusers often seek to control every aspect of their partner’s life, creating an environment of intense fear and dependency. Unsurprisingly, this is often the cause of trauma and mental health problems.

In addition to these forms of cruelty, domestic violence can include financial abuse, where an abuser exerts control by limiting or denying access to money or resources. This step creates economic dependence, leaving the victim to feel unable to leave the relationship. Spiritual abuse can also occur, where an abuser uses religious beliefs to justify their actions or manipulate their partner into submission.

The psychological toll of this abuse is severe. Victims often find themselves internalizing the false narratives and criticisms of their abuser, leading them to believe that they are somehow responsible for the abuse. This dynamic of blame reinforces their feelings of shame and isolation. Many survivors speak of feeling trapped—physically, mentally, and emotionally. They feel unable to seek help due to fear of retaliation or societal judgment.

The impact of domestic violence can extend beyond the individual to the family unit. Children who witness or experience violence are deeply affected. They may feel conflicted loyalty towards their parents, experience trauma-related symptoms, or normalize abusive behavior in their own relationships later in life. The pain inflicted is generational, creating patterns that persist unless actively confronted and addressed.

Victims of domestic violence also face an ongoing internal battle between love and fear. The nature of intimate relationships makes it difficult to reconcile the actions of someone who claims to love them with the harm being inflicted. This dichotomy often leads to emotional confusion, self-doubt, and internal conflict, leaving the victim struggling to identify the boundaries between love and abuse.

The emotional and psychological scars left by domestic violence are often deep and long-lasting. Victims describe feelings of hopelessness, anxiety, and depression, all of which are compounded by the isolation that abusers enforce. The fear of not being believed or understood can make it even harder for victims to reach out for help. As a result, many endure in silence, feeling invisible and unheard.

The experience of domestic violence is a journey of profound suffering. It is a reality marked by isolation, fear, manipulation, and pain. To understand the depth of this suffering, one must listen and empathize with the victims’ stories. Every bruise, every tear, and every silent cry is a testament to the severity of their situation. Breaking free from this cycle requires courage on the victim’s part and a community willing to offer support, safety, and understanding without judgment.

Abuse In Our Christadelphian Community

It is a difficult and painful truth that abuse can occur even within our Christadelphian community. Despite our shared faith and commitment to following Christ, instances of domestic violence and coercive control still emerge. In some cases, abusers may misuse religious teachings to justify their actions or demand submission in ways that contradict Christ’s teachings of mutual respect and love.

Silence and stigma play significant roles in allowing this behavior to persist. Victims may be reluctant to speak up due to fear of judgment, mistaken understanding of Scriptural teachings, or concern for the reputation of their families or ecclesias. Addressing this requires a conscious effort to educate our community not only about the realities of abuse but also about the importance of a godly and compassionate response that prioritizes the well-being of the oppressed.

There Is No Place for Abuse in a Godly Marriage

God designed marriage to reflect His love and purpose. At its core, marriage is meant to be a partnership characterized by selfless love, mutual support, and respect, modeling the relationship between Christ and the ecclesia. Abuse in any form runs counter to this divine design. Scriptures describe marriage as a bond of unity and care, where both partners reflect Christ’s qualities—love, patience, and kindness.

In Genesis 2:24, we are shown that marriage is intended to be a union where two individuals become “one flesh.” This unity signifies a deep connection built on trust and love, not fear or domination. Abuse fractures this unity, turning a relationship meant for mutual growth and support into a space of suffering and control.

The Bible calls husbands to love their wives “just as Christ loved the ecclesia and gave Himself up for her.” (Ephesians 5:25 ESV). This command highlights God’s intent for marriage. It is a place of sacrificial love and care. Abuse, in contrast, seeks power and control, distorting this selfless love into something harmful. In Colossians 3:19, husbands are specifically instructed to avoid harshness, emphasizing gentleness, and understanding as core principles of godly behavior.

Further, 1 Peter 3:7 urges husbands to treat their wives with honor, recognizing them as co-heirs of God’s grace. This respect is not just about avoiding physical harm; it encompasses emotional, psychological, and spiritual kindness, acknowledging the full value and dignity of one’s spouse. Abuse stands in direct opposition to this call, degrading and undermining the sacred commitment made before God. A Scriptural marriage aims to ensure an entrance into the Kingdom for both parties as heirs together. Abuse undermines that sense of purpose, and in practical terms, threatens the couple’s walk in Christ.

Christlike Response to Abuse

A Christlike response to abuse is rooted in “justice, mercy, and faithfulness.” (Matthew 23:23 NIV). Throughout the Gospels, Jesus models a reaction of love and accountability. He challenges his followers to confront wrongdoing but to do so with a heart of forgiveness and redemption.

Romans 12:19-21 encourages believers to overcome evil with good, focusing on restoration rather than retaliation. By addressing the harm with empathy and support, we mirror Christ’s approach to healing and rebuilding lives damaged by sin and suffering.

Ephesians 4:32 urges believers to show kindness and compassion, highlighting the importance of forgiveness. This requirement does not mean ignoring the severity of abuse but rather seeking paths of healing that restore dignity and safety while holding abusers accountable for their actions.

Practical Steps and Support

Domestic violence requires more than just acknowledgment; it calls for concrete action. For those enduring abuse, it is crucial to seek safety and reach out to support systems available in our community and in society, which have many organizations and programs to tackle the problem. The example of Jesus meeting people in their brokenness and offering refuge encourages us to create safe spaces where survivors can disclose and find hope and assistance without fear of judgment.

There are many organizations offering support. Tidings has created EcclesiaSafe for our community. There is in the US, the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) and RAINN (Rape Abuse and Incest National Network 1-800-656-HOPE), and in Canada Sheltersafe (https://sheltersafe.ca/) and the Canadian Women’s Foundation (https://canadianwomen.org/support-services/).

Ecclesias can partner with services like these (including local agencies often readily found with an Internet search) to provide an effective network of care and support.

Conclusion

Domestic violence is a distortion of God’s intent for relationships, and a violation of His command to love one another. As Christ’s followers, we cannot afford to be silent or passive. We must confront this evil with truth and act with compassion, offering a path to healing and accountability.

Together, we can break the cycle.

The Christadelphian Tidings