Contentions

The ecclesia needs to be a place where hope, love, and kindness reign, no matter what disagreements may be present. 

In considering the influence the ecclesia had on our family during challenging times, we have had very positive as well as negative experiences. When we were in our early teens, we were privileged to grow up in an ecclesia that was a place of warm hospitality, of prayers given with conviction and deep reverence, of Bible talks overflowing with radiant hope for the future, and brothers and sisters eagerly talking about their plans to preach and organize activities that would help and strengthen each other.

This environment was genuinely positive and developed in many of us, the young people of that time, our own deep convictions and love for the Gospel message. We looked forward to going to meeting and Bible classes, anticipating encouragement with loving fellowship. From time to time, there were disagreements and difficult issues to resolve. But overall, the mood and activities were Godly, positive, and hopeful.

However, there was a dark time in our ecclesial past when we became caught up in a controversy. Some of our children were young and impressionable. Unfortunately, at that time, many of the talks were about the issue, and our ecclesia became strongly divided. If one brother gave a talk on his view, there would be others who would immediately and openly disagree.

Going to meeting or Bible classes, and especially business meetings, was often with a sense of dread, not with anticipation of encouragement or seeing love in action. The Bible tells us that there will be issues and disagreements for those who are approved to be made manifest (1 Corinthians 11:18-19). So, controversies are not unique to us and may be something we will face again. But looking back, we realize that no controversy, however vital, should rule the ecclesia. The ecclesia needs to be a place where hope, love, and kindness reign, no matter what disagreements may be present. 

At the time, we felt that it was good for our children to see that life in an ecclesia has its ups and downs. Now, we would still agree that if the ecclesia is reacting to issues with a loving, gracious spirit (not tolerating wrong teachings, but answering opponents with gentleness and respect—(2 Timothy 2:23-24), then it is suitable for children to see that quarrels can be resolved in a Christlike way.

If, however, the disputes are nasty power struggles between strong personalities, be aware that the hostility may put off children and the young in the faith more than the actual controversy. Instead of feeling the Gospel is about real hope and thankfulness to God for our salvation, they may privately determine that it is about squabbling, power plays, and disputes. Be very wary of negativity turning young minds against what we hold dear. Jesus warned us about offending one of these little ones in Matthew 18:4-7.

In times of conflict, if hostility is overflowing, our youth shouldn’t witness such discussions. Perhaps controversial issues should only be brought up in private arranging board meetings. Even then, be wary that hostile arguments can also result in the spiritual death of mature brothers and sisters. 

In times of deep division, it is more important than ever that the ecclesia and the young hear hopeful, positive, encouraging talks about the Gospel message from those who truly love and live it. Consider frequently taking your family to other meetings that have joyful fellowship so your children can hear encouraging talks that have nothing to do with the contentions.

We must adhere to the truth, but how we resolve issues often has more of an impact, for good or bad, than the actual debate itself. 

Whatever your ecclesia is going through, it is helpful to be intentional about finding the positives to share with your children. We should greatly value those with firm convictions and a genuine love for God’s truth and allow them to influence others for good. Be that voice of encouragement whenever you can. And remember that behind all the “right words” we may find to say, what is most impactful to our children is the spirit that drives our life—our REAL hope, our REAL love, our PRIORITY. 

As Paul wrote, “Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.” (Romans 14:19 NIV).

Martha Sales,
Collingwood Ecclesia, ON